Alone - I've been living alone, (unless you consider two dogs as making it not alone), since the first of the year. This is the longest I have lived alone in my life. I went straight from my parent's house to living with my now ex-wife. Even after the divorce Adrienne, Lindsey and/or Reese have been living with me. How do I like living alone, you ask. I guess I like it. The first few weeks without Reese here were pretty tough. I love and miss that little girl more than I thought I could ever love anyone. So I'm alone, I need to stress that I am not lonely. Huge difference. I like my alone time, I always have. That's one of the things I like about traveling. The time I get to be by myself.
I will say I do miss having my family here with me. Just knowing I could get a hug from them, especially Reese, was very important. Getting a hug from my dogs just doesn't cut it. I guess physical contact with other people is a primal thing that is hard to get over. I'm not one who needs to have someone to love in their life all the time. I don't think I can ever put myself out there to be able to get my heart broken again. And when I say heart broken, I'm not blaming anyone for my divorce, marriage is a two way street and both need to work at it and not take it for granted. Heart broken I was. Was is a key word in that sentence. I am not heart broken anymore. I do not pine for anyone, and don't think I ever will again. I always thought I was a romantic, but the thing is, I don't think of myself as a romantic anymore. I still like to watch romantic comedies and listen to sappy love songs, but there is no more feeling in my soul to want to go out and find someone else to be with.
A friend of mine once said "If it wasn't for the sex, I understand a gay lifestyle." I understand that. Women are too complicated, too emotional, too complex for my little attention deficit brain to comprehend. I used to think I had at least one woman figured out and we see where that ended.
I do spend a lot of my time thinking about how nice it would be to have a woman in my life. The thing is, I don't want to put any effort into making that happen. I don't go to bars, I don't online date (anymore), I'm not smooth at picking up women at grocery stores or places like that. When I fly, I have to medicate because of motion sickness so I'm too medicated (stoned) to be smooth enough to pick up anyone. So I guess I want to have a relationship only in my mind.
I don't want anyone to think I'm lonely or unhappy. Honestly, I'm happy and not the least bit lonely. I enjoy being able to do what I want, when I want. So, what am I saying? I guess I would like to have a woman to share my life with, but am not interested in having to find a woman to share my life with. Simple.
