Spoons

I had a very strange dream the other night. I dreamt that I was lying in bed with my arm around (spooning) a woman. I won't go into detail as to who the woman was because that would open a can of worms that should be left closed. What was interesting was how good it felt to have someone that close. I woke up missing that feeling. It's been a long time since I've been spooning a woman. I didn't realize how much I missed it until that dream. Its been almost 4 years since I had someone feel romantic about me. I don't know if that is a proper way of saying it, but that's what I'll go with. I'm starting to think that I'm finally missing that feeling. Now, I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about knowing that someone out there cares about me other than family. I'm a romantic at heart, but have the dating skills of a skinny 19 year old boy with no self confidence. I also have unrealistic standards. I understand that, but can't seem to help it.

I've been kind of seeing a, let's just say much younger, woman. She's very beautiful and is definitely a lot of maintenance. I say kind of seeing, because we see each other, but haven't been on a real date. Something always comes up. This is where my dilemma is. She is young, beautiful, (ex-model), and really into herself. She is used to having men throw themselves at her. I'm not the kind of man that will be able to compete with that. Some women are just not worth the price of admission. We'll see where this goes, but I'm not holding any hope.

So, I'm back where I was. I want someone to care about and someone who cares about me. My unrealistic standards get in the way. I also don't hang out where single women are. I spend most of my free time at home, on my bicycle or golfing. Not a lot of single women any of those places. I tried the online dating sites. eHarmony - every woman wants to get married, Match.com - there is a 7 to 1 ratio of men to women, Plenty of Fish - too crowded.

Maybe I'll just put it out there and see if anyone reads this blog. (So far I know Jennifer Anniston doesn't). I'm a 52 year old, slightly overweight (emphasis on slightly) man who makes a reasonable living. I have two grandchildren living with me, I can change a diaper without getting grossed out. I can feed babies and am fairly good at getting them to sleep. I am pretty good at putting car seats in a car rather quickly. I NEVER plan on ever marrying again. I live a very busy, full life. I travel a lot. I talk too much. I sing with the songs on the radio. I'm really into technology. I use Apple computers, (MacBook, MacBook Pro, iPad, iPhone, iPod, etc...) I have over 50,000 songs on my computer. I read a lot. I'm into history and mysteries. I watch comedies, romantic comedies, sci fi and Independent movies. I'm in real denial as to my age, I see a 30 something man in the mirror, not a 52 year old. I'm very shy around women, yet am a very confident salesman. I have a fairly funky stomach that I don't let get in the way of life. I am not lonely. (I NEED to emphasize that). I am very romantic. I believe in walking on the street side of a woman. I open doors for women. I get the check. I want to take care of someone, not really have anyone take care of me. Sometimes I think I understand women, and other times, they just befuddle the hell out of me.

I didn't put out there what I'm looking for. I know. I don't know what I'm looking for. Sometimes I think a 30 year old ex-model. Other times, I think someone in their 40's or 50's would be more realistic. I'm giving up on the Jennifer Anniston's of the world. Who am I kidding, I can't afford to maintain that lifestyle. And I really don't want my picture in a bathing suit at the beach all over the tabloids. Nobody wants to see that.

So there it is. It's out there. Now I'm going to sleep. Alone in a big bed. To sleep, hopefully to dream.